Meeting up with an old "flame"

[doom1701]

I put "flame" in quotes because she was never really a flame. She was a serious infatuation of mine in high school. She led me on, then decided she didn't want to go out. And then led me on, and decided she didn't want to go out. I finally learned that I just needed to get over her.

I think it was about 6 years later. :)

Anyway, I figured if I ever ran into her, I'd probably want to take some time to brag about my sucess, my great marraige, and (now) my wonderful daughter. But I just never really thought about it much--figured I'd never have to worry about ever seeing her again.

Well, turns out she (and her husband and 4 kids) recently started going to my parent's church. And we're going to be there next weekend.

I found this out last weekend, and I've realized that I don't really have any desire to make any "neener, neener" type comments. Now that reality has set it, I actually find that I'm looking forward to seeing her again (in a "I'm married, I'm not going to ask you out...how's life been the past 15 years?" kinda way). Now, being the freak that I am, I'm actually worried that I might be *too* interested in catching up with her, as if part of me still might have feelings for her.

I can always hope that she's fugly, but barring that, I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle this. The church has about 40 people, so it's not like I can just avoid her--and I don't want to. But I do think that I have to go with my instincts and not try to get re-aquainted too much. Say "hi", meet her family, introduce mine, spend a minute or two catching up, and get the heck out of there. Am I putting too much thought into this?

[Kablemodem]

I had a "flame" like that. You are giving it more thought than she deserves. See what happens when you run into her, maybe catch up on where your lives have taken you, but don't make it overly friendly.

[Makita]

As long as you keep your pants on, you'll be fine.
Hold on to those thoughts/fantasies as long as ya can, use (:cough:) them when ya need to. Sure you mighe 'meet' her again and your bubble might pop (fugly) or you might yearn for days gone by.
Either way, it WAS High School :)

[procrastinator]

Not too much thought at all, since you came to a decision that's just right in terms of being cordial, but keeping your dignity. Like you said, just say hello, go through the introductions, and say goodbye.

Um, she definitely will remember who you are, right?

--Debbie

[Ninny]

Listen to the Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers".

Then go and see your old friend - you will be surprised at your reaction.

[Sue Ann]

Listen to the Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers".

Then go and see your old friend - you will be surprised at your reaction.


I was trying to remember the name of the song !

[Inundated]

I think you have a handle on it OK. (Hush! :D)

Oddly enough, one of my old flames, an actual ex-girlfriend, will be visiting here in about a month or so. She's not actually in town to see me...relatives on her late ex-husband's side live here.

[Sparkle]

My one human anchor at the moment is a long-ago ex. She makes me feel ... cared about. :o

[Ryan]

Annita and I had dinner with an old "flame" of mine a couple of weeks ago.

It was really nice. She's had so much success in her life and the cool part is she thanks me for some of it.

[doom1701]

Um, she definitely will remember who you are, right?

--Debbie

Yeah--my parents would have never known her from Adam had she not asked about me.

Anyway, when you graduate in a class of 12, and the class before you (her year) had 11, you tend to remember everybody.

[Michael]

I ran into my old high school flame a number of years ago and while talking, she asked me why I never asked her out. I told her how much I wanted too, but thought she was out of my league. FRICK!!! :)

[mwhip]

In the past two years I have had 3 old GF's find me. I met with all of them unfortunately in every instance I was the one who got "fugly". :embarrassed:

Oh well, I am still friends with all of them and one of them is getting married to a great guy. I like having friends from the old days it keeps me linked to my youth. Plus when people meet them I can have them verify that I was once hot and that they let me touch them. ;)

[doom1701]

Listen to the Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers".

Then go and see your old friend - you will be surprised at your reaction.

I just looked up the lyrics; the similarity is uncanny, even in the way I'm thinking about things now. Thanks for the tip!

[Boot]

I ran into an old high school infatuation in a grocery store recently. She looked hideous. It made me smile a little inside. :)

[Angie]

I think you always hold a little bit of a thing for the "one that got away." Even if you're perfectly happy.

Doesn't mean you're going to jump into bed with her or that your relationship means any less than it does.

[Ninny]

I just looked up the lyrics; the similarity is uncanny, even in the way I'm thinking about things now. Thanks for the tip!
It is really a lovely song - brings tears to my eyes. If you ever have the good fortune to see Garth Brooks in concert, it is the one song where EVERYONE sings along - very moving stuff. And probably very true for most.

Good luck!

[Angie]

By the way, my old crush is now one of my closest friends. Sometimes, after a number of years after you've moved on, it's nice to rekindle the friendship. I mean, you got along for a reason back then. :)

[procrastinator]

Well, now I'm dying to find out how this all turns out. You'll let us know, won't you, Doom?

--Debbie

[Gus]

I think you're putting too much thought into it. Actually, I think any amount of thought is too much. Here's why - you could have just bumped into her without any forewarning. What would you have done then? Would you have said "I wasn't expecting to run into you. I'll have to go think about what I should do and say"? Of course not. You would say hello, ask about her children, and go on your way. So quit thinking about it so much.

[doom1701]

Well, now I'm dying to find out how this all turns out. You'll let us know, won't you, Doom?

--Debbie

Well, today was the day--and as I told my wife as we were leaving church:

"That was a total non-event."

I was so worried that I'd see her and there'd be that spark (on my side only, just like old times) that would make me doubt my relationship with my wife. Turns out it just wasn't there. During the meet and greet time before the offeratory, she (kinda reluctantly) came over--it's a small church, and we were on the middle aisle, so it's not like she could avoid us. I was purposely holding Kaylee so that I had an excuse not to go wandering. I said Hi, asked how she was doing, she said fine, she pointed to Kaylee and said "Is this your new one?" I said yes, and before I had a chance to tell her Kaylee's name or introduce Jen, she was gone. After the service she just disappeared.

Turns out that not only was the spark not there--but she hasn't changed at all. Jen said that she seemed embarrassed. I just said she still seemed like a bitch.

I'm grinning from ear to ear today--my past of feeling inferior and unliked tried to revist me today, and I sent it packing. :)

[procrastinator]

Ouch, Gus. That seems kind of harsh.

I think his posting here about it shows that he's evolved since his highschool days and now focuses on his family. I doubt he was all that worried about it in real life, just that it was something he was giving a little thought to. And he was thinking that even a little thought was too much.

[Gus]

It seems kind of harsh to call her a bitch because she didn't greet him and his family as enthusiastically as he would have liked. If she was such a bitch, why was he hung up on her for so long?

[doom1701]

It seems kind of harsh to call her a bitch because she didn't greet him and his family as enthusiastically as he would have liked.

I was actually thinking about this last night. While the situation is quite a bit different than you seem to feel, my calling her a bitch was taking things too far. My gut feeling is that she is still sad and self centered, but the name calling was pointless and childish on my part, and I apologize for that.

If she was such a bitch, why was he hung up on her for so long?

I was *really* screwed up in high school. I tended to fall for girls that were loners; the problem is that they were usually loners for a reason.

[Snowman]

That's sad. I was hoping she'd put on about 300 pounds and she'd have to waddle over. :)

[doom1701]

That's sad. I was hoping she'd put on about 300 pounds and she'd have to waddle over. :)

Yeah...I actually thought she looked good. But after we left, my wife asked "What did you ever see in *her*?" :)

[Snowman]

"What did you ever see in *her*?" :)

ME, in my dreams :)

[Inundated]

My aforementioned "old flame" is currently on a two week trip to England. She can't E-Mail personally, since the computer she's using is so beat up and such that apparently the only thing she can get to is Yahoo, and she can only read the subject headers of E-Mail (???).

Oh, well, at least she's enjoying herself.

[Inundated]

Translation: "Leave me alone."

Oh, no...she's sending out rather detailed and strangely formatted form letters with responses to anyone who writes her on the subject line. :D

She's back in the U.S. next Tuesday, tho.

[Angie]

The whole letter on the subject line?

[Whitless]

I can feel my Treo choking in its cradle!

[jen]

Listen to the Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers". Then go and see your old friend - you will be surprised at your reaction.

That song fits my life perfectly. In high school, I was SO IN LOVE with this guy...and it went nowhere. Thankfully, because he ended up beating his wife.

I think you always hold a little bit of a thing for the "one that got away." Even if you're perfectly happy.

Doesn't mean you're going to jump into bed with her or that your relationship means any less than it does.

Too true. I am so in love with my husband it almost kills me...but there's that one guy from high school that still makes me think...and wonder...even though I've seen him since then and he's nothing like I remember. I just can't seem to get the high school version out of my head. Short illustrative story: I was walking up to my 10 year reunion with a friend and saw this strange guy walking in ahead of us--shaved head, inappropriate clothes (i.e. black wife-beater), tattoos completely up and down one arm...I actually said "I wonder who's date/husband that is." Yeah, it was THE guy. Whoops. But I STILL think about him...the 1991 him, not the 2001 him...even though I don't want to...

It is really a lovely song - brings tears to my eyes. If you ever have the good fortune to see Garth Brooks in concert, it is the one song where EVERYONE sings along - very moving stuff. And probably very true for most. Good luck!

I would just about kill to see Garth in concert... I'm jealous if you have.

[Inundated]

The whole letter on the subject line?

Heh...no, I guess not. One thing she asked for - our mailing address so she can send a postcard over there. I couldn't remember if she has my current mailing address, so I put it up there just in case.